29th April...

Son, the day has come when you departed from this world... Your departure was only from the world but no one knows that the journey you undertook was from this world to your dadda's heart. From that day onwards, your bonding with me has grown stronger. You know how much this bond matters to me.. It may be one thing which is keeping me alive. You are now alive in my heart and only I can see you... Our bond gets stronger by every day... I may not be able to bring you back in the world but I am not incomplete anymore. It has taken me a long time to understand that your physical presence is not required to make me feel you.. I can feel your touch, your little hands on my face, your kisses on my face, your love. When I can see you, I can feel you, I don't feel to bring this father and son bond in front of this world. Betu, I have a lot of emotions, which will keep flowing if I keep writing... I will now wish good night to you... Love,

Dadda...

Those Last Fifteen Days...

I still relive those last 15 days when I get time. I still sneak in the period where Atharv is lying on hospital bed and I just go and lie down next to him. I hold his little hands and give him a peck on his face.... He does not look at me.... He does not recognise me... I am feeling helpless and heart broken and I really want to cry a lot. The only thing holding me is that lot of people have pinned their hopes in me.... Why is it so that we have to present our strong side to the world when we are at the weakest in our heart?

Every single day Atharv lived, it was just that we had to prepare ourselves for his departure... Even in those last 15 days, his pains didn't end.. we were watching him being pricked multiple times everyday & blood transfused into his veins almost every 4th day... However, I am not writing this blog to share his pains and his sufferings with you and neither I am writing this so that you feel pity upon me. I am writing this blog to relive my preparedness for the final departure of Atharv from this world...

I feel I did not get much time on any single day to think about that Atharv is leaving us. But, every day got him ready & combed his small hair and wiped his face. Then we got ourselves ready for his medicines, diet, tests, vaccines and all to check our preparedness.

I don't know from where do the parents get strength to carry on in the toughest of the times, but I believe strongly that only parents can care for their children in the tough times....