एक हिस्सा

बहुत देर से दर्द दिल में दबाया है,

किसी को बहुत दूर दुनिया से दिल में छुपाया है,

लफ़्ज़ों में ब्यान हो ऐसा यह इश्क़ नहीं,

पल पल इसे अपने दिल का लहू पिलाया है । Diwakar 

Happy birthday Son

Fan

 I am an Indian cricket fan. I cry in defeat and joy in win. I was there when we lost 2023 ODI WC and I am here when we won 2024 T20I WC. I will be there in every criticism of Our Team. I will be there when we are champions. I will keep supporting our team from defeat to victory. I was with Ganguly, I was with Sachin, I was with Dhoni, I am with Kohli and Rohit and I will be there with fighters (Read Players) to come. I will cry in defeat and joy in win. Because I am a true Indian cricket fan.

रिश्ता

दर्द का एहसास भी दबाया जाता है,

ज़ख़मों को हंसी से छुपाया जाता है,

ज़रा ध़यान से चलना जनाब यहां,

यहां रिश्तों को दफनाया जाता है।

©®Diwakar 

Baarish

ये बारिश मेरे अश्कों जैसी है... 

मेरे मायूस दिल के कोने में रहती है... 

दिल भर आने से ये बरसती है .... 

आँख भर आने पे ये बरसती है ...

ये बारिश मेरे अश्कों जैसी है...   

29th April...

Son, the day has come when you departed from this world... Your departure was only from the world but no one knows that the journey you undertook was from this world to your dadda's heart. From that day onwards, your bonding with me has grown stronger. You know how much this bond matters to me.. It may be one thing which is keeping me alive. You are now alive in my heart and only I can see you... Our bond gets stronger by every day... I may not be able to bring you back in the world but I am not incomplete anymore. It has taken me a long time to understand that your physical presence is not required to make me feel you.. I can feel your touch, your little hands on my face, your kisses on my face, your love. When I can see you, I can feel you, I don't feel to bring this father and son bond in front of this world. Betu, I have a lot of emotions, which will keep flowing if I keep writing... I will now wish good night to you... Love,

Dadda...

Those Last Fifteen Days...

I still relive those last 15 days when I get time. I still sneak in the period where Atharv is lying on hospital bed and I just go and lie down next to him. I hold his little hands and give him a peck on his face.... He does not look at me.... He does not recognise me... I am feeling helpless and heart broken and I really want to cry a lot. The only thing holding me is that lot of people have pinned their hopes in me.... Why is it so that we have to present our strong side to the world when we are at the weakest in our heart?

Every single day Atharv lived, it was just that we had to prepare ourselves for his departure... Even in those last 15 days, his pains didn't end.. we were watching him being pricked multiple times everyday & blood transfused into his veins almost every 4th day... However, I am not writing this blog to share his pains and his sufferings with you and neither I am writing this so that you feel pity upon me. I am writing this blog to relive my preparedness for the final departure of Atharv from this world...

I feel I did not get much time on any single day to think about that Atharv is leaving us. But, every day got him ready & combed his small hair and wiped his face. Then we got ourselves ready for his medicines, diet, tests, vaccines and all to check our preparedness.

I don't know from where do the parents get strength to carry on in the toughest of the times, but I believe strongly that only parents can care for their children in the tough times....

My son Atharv

Hello Atharv!

How are you doing my dear son? You know I love you a lot and miss you very much. It has been two days since I have seen you.. You are resting in a place where no one can disturb you.

You know that there are journeys which one has to take someday in life. Many people, even if they are big enough, are afraid of taking such journeys. I am proud of you my son that you have taken this journey at a very young age and that too all alone. You are a warrior my son. If you would have been alive, you would have taken life as well by its horns... I have seen that strength and courage in you. The way you were bearing the pain without any expression of it on your little face, I know you were special. A little tough guy.

You know Atharv, it is very hard to let go your memories so easily as life is forcing us to. You will be in my memories forever my son. Life is actually very cruel. It is very difficult to move on than people think so. The bond I have shared with you is only between you and me. I have given you love of whole life in these one and a half years. It is not easy for me to let go these memories.

People say that you have to move forward for your other child but how do we move without you? I sometimes feel incomplete without you. There are many moments when I am trying to divert my mind and suddenly you come in my mind. This pain is going to stay with me....