The color of blood
The color of blood is red,
So was the color of my eye.
The red colored blood-soaked punches,
Were telling the story of battle so high.
My eyes were swelled,
He had his eyeball in his hand.
I was bleeding
But he was pleading
Mercy was the last thing on my head
Till I did beat him to the death
I had a cut on my chest
I swear I shifted his heart from centre to left
Last thing I remember that I was leading
But the other one was profusely bleeding
When I woke up I felt the pain
My blood being transfused in his veins
I forgot but I felt on the hospital bed
The color of our blood is always red.
Diwakar
The rhyming is well done, but frankly the purpose and central meaning of the poem doesn't come out clearly. It's more like a fight scene rather than the concept of 'Our blood is alaways red'... you can do better next time. But u tried something different is what counts more.
ReplyDeleteThanks Amit... Actually its a fight scene only... 'The color of blood is always red' denotes a lot of things like we are human, we all have many a similar qualities but some of us are able to explore them & some are not... like here we have same color of blood but 'I' won the battle. But point taken sir. Next time it will be better... :)
ReplyDeleteproove it practically,,,, #:P
ReplyDeletesaaleee...... when did u strt writinn.... damnnn....its true.... i wish the world realises it b4 its too late... its very nice.... write more... all da vry best ....:-)
ReplyDeletethanks Gaurav... I will try to write more & much better>
ReplyDeleteA.B.. Please understand the meaning & not the words...
hehehehe jst joking... :p
ReplyDeletebtw well said..
Very well written.....An amazingly detailed scene of a ferocious battle between two guys.... I was actually able to imagine the scene in my mind :)
ReplyDeleteKeep writing bro......
@ thanks bro.. I promise I will keep writing and improving
ReplyDeleteWell done Diwakar. This should be the beginning of many more imaginations to come true on paper... All the best..
ReplyDeletevery well written diwakar. never knew this side to you! Not only does the message come out clearly, its rhythmically sound too.
ReplyDeleteyou certainly should write more..
Good one..!!!
ReplyDeleteLike it..!!!
Keep sharing..!!!
Ji Priyanka ji Shukriya.. :)
ReplyDelete